January 1, 2013
So…I got lost for a while.
I don’t really want to dwell on all of what went into that lostness — I’d rather release it and move forward, lightened and free. I’m not sure that I’m entirely found yet, but I feel as if I’m on my way. It’s a good feeling. And I think this will be a good year.
I spent December on leave from the priesthood, and at one low point I thought about extending my leave for a full season, or even longer, but Bast was like, DISAPPOINT, so now I’m back at work, and I’m glad. It feels right, and I feel as though I’m coming back from this break stronger than before. Certainly more centered and peaceful. So I don’t regret taking the time off, even though a part of me wants to judge myself against others who seem stronger, more devoted, more true, who crunch on through despite their inner states. But as Bastemhet notes kindness is important, and especially kindness to ourselves. I am all too good at being unkind; I’m my Mother’s daughter, and my claws are sharp — never sharper than when turned against myself.
I haven’t quite settled on a word of the year (via Hecate Demeter), but I think it’s going to be service. What do I need to do in my own life, to have in my own life, so that I may serve? I need to be clear, and anger only clouds and closes my heart.
My motto for this year is “My whole life is my offering.” Do the Netjeru want offerings of anger, frustration, recrimination, and regret? Or do they want offerings of coolness —
of refreshment —
O Bast, may I serve, and may I delight in my service.
Dua Bast — khepera!