December 2, 2011

Returning

Posted in Thoughts and Reflections at 10:02 am by

Yesterday was the first day of the first month of Peret, the season of Growing. It’s a very holy month for me, featuring the Ten Days of Joy and one of the most important of the Bast festivals, as well as the Return of the Distant Goddess at the Winter Solstice and, of course, “Moomas,” the Establishment of the Celestial Cow.

In my personal calendar of celebrations, this month is dedicated to the Lioness Goddesses as a group. Last night I made an offering of cake, flame, and cool water to my three tiny statues that represent this multiplicity of Names. Spending time with Them is always interesting; the voice that They speak with is abrupt, penetrating, not unkind but not warm and intimate either, not at all like the voice of Bast on Her own. They’re like a council of women elders; like the Fates, They hold the skein of my life in Their hands — and sometimes comment on it — but They never tell me what to do. What I “should” do — “should” being the weasel word, that looking outside oneself for direction, for purpose. My purpose, my life, is ultimately my own to decide.

As you might have noticed, I’ve had a long hiatus here. I held a workshop on the Seven Arrows of Bast at the House of Netjer’s temple in Joliet in September, and immediately after that I had a sort of spiritual blow out (although to be honest I had been sliiiiiding downward for some weeks before that, claws raking furrows as I tried desperately to hold on). Combined with the eruption of an old obsession, it meant that I just couldn’t keep my head and my heart on religious matters, and so I dropped out of the priesthood and retreated from the community, although I never did turn my back on Bast and the Netjeru. The crisis seems to be over now, and I’m very slowly and tentatively making my way back. In addition to last night’s offering, I’ve begun doing Senut again, and I’ve been peeking into the message boards occasionally. I’ve even been feeling the first stirrings of desire to return to the priesthood, but I have doubts. If I could drop my service just like that for three months, might it happen again? And if so, is there real devotion there, or just the wanting to experience devotion? Granted, it was three months of ecstatic creative energy, which, considering my Mother, might be a form of service as well, but still…I don’t know.

So right now is a time of introspection. As I realized last night — and the Goddesses affirmed in Their dry, uncompromising way — I need to sit with myself and figure out where my heart lies now, what my priorities are. It’s a good time for it, this dark month, with Bast’s eyes gleaming like gold through the depths of the long nights — time to look deep within and see what stirs there. To see how to live following my heart.

O Bast, watch over me in this season and always. May I live, may I love, may I be true.

August 2, 2011

Nebt-het’s Birthday, Year 18

Posted in Festivals at 7:47 am by

Nebt-het’s morning began with soft clouds and the cries of seagulls before the sun burned through in His splendor. The Good Sister, the gentle Gray Lady who welcomes and comforts the dead, enfolding them in Her wings, watches from the Unseen World, smiling Her beautiful, tender smile.

Today the House of Netjer holds its Weshem-ib ceremony, the Testing of the Heart by which those who wish to deepen their connection to the community take their vows of service, or renew vows made in previous years. It’s one of the most mystery-filled rites of the tradition, and thus very appropriate for Nebt-het’s day.

Dua Nebt-het, born of Nut! O Beautiful One, Younger Sister, may You embrace us in our time. May You teach us the mysteries of love and service. Nekhtet!

August 1, 2011

Aset’s Birthday, Year 18

Posted in Festivals at 7:28 pm by

Aset’s day has been super busy — a lot of time spent with other people, going out for meals, playing games and doing heka, practicing for the short play that we’ll be performing on New Year’s day. It’s been hard to find the time and focus to write something. It’s been a good day, though.

Dua Aset, born of Nut! Great Lady, Yours is the power to stop the sun and to change the world. May we learn to recognize our own power and to make change happen. Nekhtet!

July 31, 2011

Set’s Birthday, Year 18

Posted in Festivals at 8:22 am by

The sun rose victorious this morning, burning through the hazy sky on the third of the intercalary days. It’s the birthday of Set, Lord of Storms, who stands at the prow of the sun barque to slay the Uncreated so that Ra can enter the heavens. It can be a day of chaos, but to me it feels like a day of strength and purpose. At least this year, it’s a call to focus one’s whole self upon the work to be done.

The oracle for the year has been posted, and the year belongs to Ptah, God of Creation who spoke the world into being. It’s a year of building upon the foundations that have been set in Zep Tepi. As Aset recounts in the oracle, we all have a choice in our lives: to construct or to cast down. The power of words and actions belongs to every one of us, and like Set’s might it can be turned toward either preservation or destruction.

In about half an hour, the attendees at Retreat will be gathering together to perform a group Senut ritual, led by the Nisut. It’s a rite of affirming our place in the universe, our connections to our Gods and ancestors, to our teachers and community. It’s a good place to begin, centered in our world, purified and ready to go forth in ma’at. Everyone seems eager for this coming year, ready to rise to the challenge and create something positive in their lives, and in the world.

Dua Set, born of Nut! You who split the sky, You are the strongest of all the Gods. May we be strong in ourselves, to build, to strive, and to protect. Nekhtet!

July 30, 2011

Heru-wer’s Birthday, Year 18

Posted in Festivals at 7:54 am by

No storms actually came through yesterday, and Heru-wer’s birthday, the second of the intercalary days, has dawned sunny and bright. And hot, with a forecast of high humidity, but the early morning was nice. One of my personal rituals at Retreat is to go outside for at least a few minutes in the morning and sing to Bast and the Netjeru — in the parking lot, alas, but at least it’s outside beneath the open sky. It honors the Gods during a time when I’m not doing my regular shrine rite and offerings. And it helps to keep me grounded and centered, especially when I’m going to be spending all day in an air-conditioned, windowless conference room, attending rituals and discussions. I need my downtime, my time off by myself to cool my mind and recharge my social batteries.

As I write this, I’ve just had breakfast in my hotel room, and in a hour or so I’ll be going downstairs to attend today’s priest training session. There are no new W’ab candidates this year, so I expect it’ll all be in-depth discussion and advanced training. I’m looking forward to it.

Dua Heru-wer, born of Nut! O Speckled Falcon, spread Your wings out over us and protect us. You are pure on this day and always. May we be pure as well! Nekhtet!

July 29, 2011

Wesir’s Birthday, Year 18

Posted in Festivals at 8:25 am by

Today is the first of the intercalary days, the five Days upon the Year that stand outside the regular calendar, leading up to the New Year’s celebration of Wep Ronpet. It’s the birthday of Wesir, Lord of the Dead, the slain God who brings forth the greening of the world.

I’m already in Joliet for the House of Netjer’s Wep Ronpet retreat, although the retreat proper doesn’t start for a couple of days. Today, with some of the other early-arriving priests, I’ll be cleaning the temple and running errands to prepare for the festivities and rituals to come.

The skies this morning were cloudy, with the threat of storms on the horizon. It’s been hot and humid in the Chicago area, the air heavy with moisture. The skies may clear, but the heat will probably hold for most of the week. It feels like being in suspension, breathless, waiting for something to stir, waiting for the year to begin and the flood to come.

Dua Wesir, born of Nut! Your death gives us life. May we live, may we live, may we live, may we live. And may You be joyful on Your day. Nekhtet!

June 25, 2011

The year’s end and the power of heka

Posted in Being Kemetic, Doing Heka at 10:11 am by

In a previous post, I mentioned the chaos of the end of the year. The idea is that as the year winds down, things everywhere begin to unravel, including in our personal lives. This disarray reaches its peak in the five epagomenal days, the Days upon the Year that stand outside the rest of the Kemetic calendar. In myth, Nut was forbidden from giving birth to her children on any day of the year; feeling sympathy for her, Djehuty gambled with the moon and won five extra days upon which Nut’s children could be born: Wesir, Heru-wer, Set, Aset, and Nebt-het. These days, being outside the year, and further being a time of birth (always fraught with peril), are considered to be both extraordinary and dangerous. Typically we make amulets at each New Year’s retreat, to help protect us from the demons of plague, ill luck, and despair that haunt the year’s end.

In any case, after making that other post, I found myself regretting it. How am I staying in the moment when I’m pining for the next season? Far better to remain present and to deal with what is. So the other night I asked Bast for some heka that I could use to protect myself. I wanted to exercise my own strength against any threat to my well-being, especially to my inner, spiritual well-being, so that I can better live in the now, without fear or sadness.

She granted my desire, and I wish I could share what she gave me, because it was awesome, and I can already feel its effectiveness. And I think a large part of the experience’s power came from the fact that instead of asking for Her to step in and help me, to save me, I asked for the means to help myself. Clearly I need to do more heka.

Dua Bast! Your words are Your heka, and Your magic is great! May You bless me with Your wisdom, now and always.

June 24, 2011

Friday findings: Photos from Gebel el-Silsila

Posted in Friday Findings at 4:40 pm by

Su Bayfield of Reflections of the Nile is posting her Egypt travel journal from earlier this year. Her accounts of visits to sites both popular and obscure are always worth viewing, as are her photos. In association with her June 17 post on the royal shrines of Gebel el-Silsila, she has a Flickriver photoset — check out the very rare human-form Taweret nursing the king! (Scroll down past the regular Taweret.)

June 23, 2011

Waiting for the Inundation

Posted in Being Kemetic, Thoughts and Reflections at 5:48 pm by

In the Kemetic calendar, we’re currently in the third season, Shomu, the time of greatest heat and dryness. Only a little over a month remains until the turning of the year and the beginning of the season of Inundation, but for that time the chaotic energy of the year’s end holds sway. Here in the northeastern United States, the heat of summer has already begun, though it’s a humid heat for the most part, not the parched and desiccated barrenness of Egypt in the centuries before the great dam ended the river’s seasonal rise and retreat.

Already I’m longing for the time of flood, for the changing of the year, the fire of autumn leaves as the Goddess goes south to the land of gold. I’m longing for the breath of transformation, like the perfume of lotuses rising from living pools. I love the early summer well enough, but not the dragging, sweltering days in the middle of the season. And even though this year has been relatively cool and rainy so far, I feel as though I’m laboring to renew an inner life that has been sere of late — trying to nurture my seedlings through a difficult period. Maybe when the waters rise I’ll feel that renewal in my heart, and the gardens that I want to plant in my life will prosper in their time.

Dua Sekhet, Lady of the Fens, You who awaken to Hapy’s touch — hail and praise to You! May I live; may You give me life!

June 19, 2011

Thoughts before the solstice

Posted in Being Kemetic, Netjeru, Tending the Shrine, Thoughts and Reflections at 8:37 pm by

I spent a little time outside today, enjoying the dappled sunlight under the trees, the gentle wind, the sweet, green smell of early summer. It’s nearly the solstice, the peak of the Eye of Ra’s presence before She turns toward the south. And although my Mother isn’t the face of the Eye who departs for other regions, Her presence was strong today as well.

As I sat outside, I was thinking and writing in my journal on what my work for Her truly is. My train of thought was inspired by reading Dver’s blog post on mysticism as vocation. I’m one of those who struggle to balance priest work with the demands of being a home owner and having a full-time job. (I don’t have family commitments to further complicate the issue, fortunately, but I do have four rather demanding furry children, in the persons of my cats.) And I often wonder, should I be making other choices? Is it possible to be a real and proper priest under these conditions, when in ancient times being a priest was a full-time vocation? On top of that, I’ve been badly off-kilter the last few months, wrestling with galloping anxiety that’s affected all aspects of my life, to the point where I was barely functional on any level and was seriously considering leaving the priesthood. But somehow I’ve hung on, and with a new therapy program and medication I’m slowly beginning to regain that precarious balance, and to be able to think again about where and how to best put my energy and attention.

What I hold onto is that Bast seems to be satisfied with my service. There are things that She would like me to do, but as far as the more complicated ones are concerned, She appears content to wait until I get other parts of my life sorted out. And as I’m getting better, my ability to hear Her directives has been improving once more — and this time, so has my will and focus to actually follow them! At least this is some progress on the path.

Speaking of the path, what is it, then, that I need to be doing in order to be Her priest? Trance work, spirit work, oracles and prophecy don’t seem to be my primary tasks. I’ve been through an ordeal of late, which has taught me lasting lessons, but my work isn’t the work of ordeals. I’m not the edgewalker, bridging the liminal gap between worlds. I read the blogs of other people, who do perform such functions, and I sigh with relief: This is someone else’s task, not mine. It’s a good feeling to realize that I don’t have to do everything, that there are many ways to serve as there are practitioners, as many as there are Gods.

So what work does Bast desire of me? Tending this place, my home and Her temple. Making my offerings. Blogging for Her. Lighting candles — bringing the flame into my life, and the sweetness of perfume. Praying for the benefit of others. Bringing Her Name before the ears and eyes of all the people.

The last couple of days, Bast has wanted me to dance in shrine, to be present there in movement and in great joy. This is the most important thing, I think — to move, to live, to love life, to dance to Netjer’s song of creation. And this, I think, I can do — I only have to remember, to open the space in the midst of all the other commitments and complications in my life. If I am truly living, alight with my love for Her and my appreciation of all Her gifts, then I am indeed serving as Her priest. In fact, I can do nothing else.

O Bast, may I live, may I dance for You, may I serve as Your priest in Your temple, now and always!