[And those cosplayers used to sit at home and sew, and sew, and sew....]

"And so," Seiichirou said, leaning forward onto the desk and gazing seriously ahead over his clasped hands, "by some extraordinary coincidence, fate" [or destiny!] "had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment--"

"/No! You keep that thing away from me!/"

"--with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott." Seiichirou blinked. That hadn't seemed like an audience participation line, and the voice itself had been strangely familiar. In fact, it'd sounded rather a lot like Kamui's. "But it was to be in a situation," he continued anyway, "which none of them could have possibly foreseen."

"/Quick, grab Kamui! Hold him down!/

"And just a few hours after announcing their engagement," Seiichirou went on nervously, listening to the crashes, crackling noises, and screams that were rising from the backstage area, "Brad and Janet had both tasted--"

"/Somebody sit on him!/"


"--forbidden fruit."

"/I've got the fishnets right here!/"

That voice had been Yuzuriha's. Seiichirou could feel the sweat breaking out on his head. "This in itself is--was," he corrected hastily, "proof...that their host was a man of little morals--" [Yay little morals!]

"/Get away! I'm not wearing it! I'll blast you if you put that thing on me--mpfh!/"

"--and some persuasion." [Yay some persuasion!]

"/Way to go, Karen! Now we've got 'im!/"

"What further indignities were they to be subjected to?" Seiichirou wondered, striving with all his might to remain focused and grave. There was a series of grunts, thumps, giggles, and at least one "/Ow!/" from parts unseen. He only had a few more lines to get through, though; he was certain that could make it until the end. He just had to ignore what everyone else was shouting.

"And what of the floor show that had been spoken of?" he said determinedly. "In an empty house?"

"/Are those laces tight enough?/"

"In the middle of the night?"

"/Let's get the shoes on now!/"

"What--" [diabolical soap girl sat on your forehead!]

Seiichirou shut and opened his mouth, but absolutely nothing came out of it.

[What indeed....] the audience concluded sagely.


Two Casts...

One Stage...

And It's the End of the World!


Presenting the Rocky Horror Picture Show,
as performed by the cast of X


Part 5: "All this and a floor show too!"


By Natalie Baan



"Okay--let him up now!" Sorata grunted. One by one, he, Akira, Nokoru, Daisuke, and Karen unpiled themselves from Kamui. From where he stood propped against a nearby wall, already in costume, Suoh looked on with sympathetic horror. Wearing identically disapproving expressions, Souhi and Hien capped their jars of make-up, while Arashi straightened her blond wig and Yuzuriha tilted her head, a finger pressed consideringly against her lips. From behind Kamui, Karen pushed the boy gently into an upright position. A glittering corset, fishnet stockings, and elbow-length gloves sheathed his impossibly slender frame. Kamui listed like a string-cut puppet, limbs asprawl and dark hair tumbling about his white-painted face. He was smiling a vague and empty little smile.

"Ah! We forgot the feather boa!" Yuzuriha cried. Wobbling to her feet, she flung one over Kamui. It settled about him, loose feathers drifting toward the floor. Kamui stared into space, his eyes like glazed amethysts.

"I'll kill them," he was mumbling, his smile unchanged. "I'll kill them all myself...."

"Don't worry, Kamui." Karen patted the boy on the head, further messing up his hair. "It'll be all right. There's only a little bit more to go--oh no! Did I just miss my cue?" The soap girl departed in a sudden swirl of flame. As she vanished, Seiichirou wandered into the backstage area.

"Actually, I think a picnic would be a nice idea," the man was saying.

"Hey, ojiisan--are you all right?" Sorata asked quizzically, noticing Seiichirou's slightly odd expression. The other replied:

"I'm fine...we're all fine...here...now. How are you?"

The wind master ambled across the room, nodding and smiling at everyone, and then went out again.

Suoh just shook his head.

"Hurry up, Kamui! We're going to be late!" Yuzuriha grabbed Kamui by both hands and pulled. It brought Kamui to his feet, but it also overbalanced her in the opposite direction, tipping her over backward on those absurdly high heels. Quickly letting go of him, she fell into Daisuke, who tried to catch her and set her upright again without actually touching anything. She giggled, and the boy flushed a remarkable shade of red. Kamui tottered, flailing spectacularly in a whirlwind of feather boa and windmilling arms, before the teenager's own legs slid out from beneath him. Sorata caught him under the arms before he could hit the floor.

"That was great!" Sorata said enthusiastically. Picking Kamui up, the monk plopped him back on his feet. "Now do exactly that on stage! And sing!"

Trembling, Kamui stared straight ahead as Yuzuriha was teleported out to the stage with a startled yip, and Sorata wondered if they ought to have warned him about the swimming pool scene.


* * * * *


The older judge turned his attention from the stage, and from the sight of two Rockys doing unspeakable things to a perfectly innocent pair of feather boas. At least the Columbias had been fairly restrained. The Seal's corset had remained relatively well in place, and the Angel didn't have much to reveal anyway. Oddly, he'd found himself feeling almost sorry for the Dragons of Heaven's Rocky, whose pride was obviously taking a heavy blow with each gyration and hip thrust.

On the other hand, he was rather looking forward to seeing the Dragons of Earth's Rocky die.

Then he heard a faint noise from the seat beside himself. Turning, he shot a glance toward his partner. "What are you eating?" he demanded, and the boy held up a small dark-green and white banded box.

"'Men's Pocky'?" the blond judge wondered. "What the hell is 'Men's Pocky'?"

"I dunno." His partner shrugged. "The Sponsor sent it down. It's actually pretty good, though...you should try some." Frowning, the older judge picked out a chocolate-covered stick and bit off its end with a snap. After a brief consideration, he shrugged in turn.

"Fine. Just don't spoil your appetite," he warned, glancing warily back toward the stage. Two Brads of wildly contrasting heights were staggering across it, Kamui in particular looking lost and pitiful as he fought to disengage himself from his feather boa. "After all this is over, we're going to go home and have a really good dinner. And it's probably safe to say that my cooking will be the first tasteful thing that we've seen all night...."


* * * * *


"I feel--released!" De-medusaed at last, Subaru picked his way across the stage, one light step and then another. He stopped at midstage and posed, hipshot, the feather boa garlanding his arms. Beneath the blond wig, his green eyes were dark and serene. "The game has been disbanded," he sang with a minute hip swivel, "my mind has been expanded...."

[Show us where Sei-chan's landed!]

"His lust is so sincere." Subaru's expression remained perfectly unreadable as he wrapped his feather boa around himself again.

A tinny fanfare blared as the curtain rose behind the floor show casts, revealing a giant backdrop in the shape of the earth. A model of Tokyo Tower was poised dramatically upon its peak. Spotlights illuminated the earth's steep curves--and illuminated as well the curves of the two corset-clad and heavily made-up figures who were balanced on top of it, determinedly ignoring each other. Staring into space with earnestly shimmering eyes, Karen and Kanoe each took a breath. Then into the pregnant stillness they murmured, in throaty almost-unison:

"Whatever happened to--" [Fuu Hououji!]

[Wrong series!]

"That delicate, satin-draped frame...." [Japanese school uniforms aren't made of satin!]

"As it clung...to her thigh," Karen was trying very hard not to giggle as she sang, "how I started to cry...."

[I'd cry too if I had to run all over Cephiro in the same set of clothes!]

"'Cause I wanted to be dressed," Kanoe crooned, [Like a schoolgirl?] "just the same...." [Yuuto likes schoolgirls!] Kanoe hauled off and booted a suggestively shaped lever with one glittering, high-heeled shoe. "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure," she sang as a stairway began to unfold from the earth--

[What a great fanfic! Even the earth gets a hard-on!]

[Too bad it's gonna be destroyed....]

"Swim the warm waters...of sins of the flesh...." The stairs were a little too narrow for both Franks to descend side by side. With a determined wiggle, Kanoe inserted her shoulder in front of Karen's and got onto the steps ahead of the Seal. Tossing her hair, she slinked her way down the steps, fur stole draped about her, then paused where they ended above a swirling bank of fog to pose and gesture grandly.

"Erotic nightmares beyond any measure," she sang, "and sensual daydreams...to treasure...forever." [Say something mean to your sister!] "Can't you just see it?"

"No--I'm blind!"


[And *you* didn't see that soap girl behind you....]

Grinning, Karen flung her own stole into the air before springing after Kanoe into the fog.


[Hey, waiter--there's a soap girl in my soup!]

[Shh. Everyone'll want one....]


* * * * *


"Now there's an image that I could've lived without," commented the older judge, shaking his head regretfully. Blinking, his partner looked at where the fog had cleared--helped by a well-timed gust of wind--to reveal the two Franks bobbing in a pool. The bottom of the pool was painted with a happy, big-eyed fish. The younger judge blinked once again and wondered why his friend didn't like the picture, because he thought it was actually kind of cute...although it was a little bit hard to see, since its cheerfully gaping mouth was partly covered by Kanoe's...

...by Kanoe's....


Oh, dear....

The floor show casts pivoted, almost in slow motion, as the Franks began to sing "Don't Dream It...Be It." They approached the pool from its four corners, then paused at its edge. Light reflecting from the water's ripples glinted onto their bizarrely made-up faces and sparkling corsets. As the rest jumped into the water, Kamui hung back, until Yuzuriha shoved him from behind. He toppled into the pool with a small cry, and the girl held her nose and leaped in after him.

The little judge watched as the two casts tried to swim and sing at the same time without drowning. Then, suddenly, people were touching. It was in the script, of course, but...did the script really mean like that? Stocking-clad limbs twined together underwater; lips were meeting and hands were wandering freely all about...the boy shifted awkwardly, leaning forward in his seat. For some reason he couldn't tear his gaze from the scene--and then as strong arms folded about him and a warm breath riffled up the side of his neck , he almost launched out of his seat.

"Wah! K--!" And that was all he could get out before their two chairs tipped over and the judges vanished underneath the table.

"It's beyond me," Kamui gasped out. "Help me, mommy!" Subaru promptly dragged him back below the surface of the pool. Considering that Arashi was otherwise occupied just then, the next line went unsung. Nobody seemed to care. A cascade of black and white feathers fluttered down from the loft above and settled onto the troubled water.

There was a moment of silence.

"MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY!" As most of the pool exploded into the air, the judges' heads reappeared above the tabletop. The water crashed down again, partly in the pool and partly not, and a set of very wet characters scrambled out of it and up onto the stage. More than a bit mussed, the judges hastily got their chairs set up once again and everything else back into place. As the older one found their scorecards and pencils, the younger one sat bolt upright, staring frantically ahead, wild-eyed.

"What brought that on?" he cried, and the older judge just shrugged.

"I dunno," he smirked. "It must've been the Pocky."


* * * * *


Sorata and Daisuke ducked as a shower of water drenched the backstage area. Straightening, the young monk shook himself--that was pretty darned wet for a dream!--then glanced back out toward the set. The Seals and Angels had formed a single chorus line at the front of the stage and were step-kicking in something vaguely resembling unison. Whether by luck or cleverness--probably the former--they'd managed to arrange themselves more or less by height, so that the line tapered from the Sakurazukamori in the middle to Kamui and Yuzuriha on either end. Kamui was grinning ferally, and Sorata wondered about the glint in the teenager's eyes.

At least that explained the pool's eruption.

Everybody seemed to have gotten used to their shoes by now, too; there was plenty of unsteadiness but no accidents as the line tottered to one side of the stage, hopped up and down, and then teetered back toward the other end. Behind them, Hinoto rolled past in her wheelchair. Sorata stared in bemusement as the Dreamgazer kicked up her legs, rhinestone-studded fishnets shimmering in the spotlights. "I didn't know she could do that," he said, and Daisuke smiled.

"I did."

Suddenly twin pairs of doors crashed open. Light streamed into the set, and the floor show looked up in surprise at the figures silhoutted by that brightness. Those intruders advanced, revealing themselves to be Nokoru and Fuuma in quilted silver tunics, boots, and stockings, complete with ridiculously upswept crescent hairdos. They were accompanied by Akira and Satsuki respectively, the two wearing matching Bride-of-Frankenstein wigs. Satsuki's looked particularly surreal with her thick-lensed glasses.

"Frank-n-furter, it's all over," the Riff-raffs sang. Fuuma had a surprisingly pleasant, resonant voice that rose strongly over Nokoru's light tenor. "Your mission is a failure;" [your artstyle's!] "too extreme. I'm your new commander...." [a pencil with big shoulders!]

[You can never trust mangaka...who made their start in doujinshi!]

Fuuma grinned.

And as the Magentas turned toward the theater doors, following the audience's next outlandish suggestion, Sorata gawked and Daisuke drew in a sharp hiss of breath. The two Riff-raffs took another step forward, bringing up their weapons. Nokoru was brandishing his three-pronged laser emitter and looking somewhat anxious.

Fuuma was carrying the Shinken.

"Oh, shit," Sorata breathed.

"Wait!" Karen and Kanoe cried simultaneously. "I can explain!" [It'd better be good! You both got killed in the last movie.] Anxiously wringing their hands, they dispatched the Columbias to redirect the purple onions--er, spotlights--and the Rockys to lower the curtain at the back of the stage. Then they launched into their torch song, with the rest of the cast crooning along on background vocals. Sorata had to admire their composure, all things considered.

For himself, though, he was starting to get a really bad feeling about all of this....

[Where does Kanoe sleep around?]

"Everywhere," Karen breathed, starting on the second verse. Kanoe shot her a glare. [How's it been?] "It's been the same...." Huddling her flimsy scarf around her shoulders, the soap girl gazed into the theater as it filled with shadowy, ghostlike figures. Water glistened dramatically on her hair and face. "Free to try to find a game," she sang. [What's the X Tarot like?] "Cards for [bondage!], cards for pain...."

"Deal me in!" Sorata yelled, and Daisuke snatched at his arm.

"Have you lost your mind?" the wind master hissed. "Somebody's got to do something! That guy out there--!"

"Hey, calm down!" Sorata shook his arm loose from Daisuke. The teenager glared, a little wind already rising around them both. "Just play along! He can't do anything to us without forfeiting, remember? But if we go crashing out there then the whole thing's over already."

"I agree," Seiichirou added, appearing from behind them. The wind guttered out, and Daisuke looked even more aggrieved. The man seemed normal enough now, having recovered from his earlier strangeness, although his hair was peculiarly wet and had dripped all over his cravat. Maybe he'd felt some urgent need to go soak his head. Sorata wasn't about to speculate.

Instead, he turned to look back at the stage, where Karen and Kanoe were descending the steps into the crowd. As they strolled down the aisle, the figures that they passed became clearer and more distinct. Although he'd never seen them before, Sorata thought that those people looked...oddly familiar.

Now why should that be?

[It's the Rayearth girls from the TV series,] chanted the audience, [it's the Rayearth girls from the *OAV* series....]

The two Franks waved, and Karen started blowing little kisses.

[It's Duo Maxwell...what the hell is *he* doing here?]

"Are all of those real people?" Seiichirou wondered, and Sorata just shrugged.

"I don't think so...." the monk replied.

[It's the boys from Duklyon!...it's the girl with bunny ears!]

[It's Yasha-ou--hey, down in front!]

And indeed, as Karen and Kanoe reached the end of the aisle, posing against the spotlights' glare to deliver the song's last line--[It's the NBC peacock!] [No, it's Suzaku!] shouted the audience--the crowd began to fade, until when the last note had died away there was nobody left in the theater but the cast members themselves.

"How sentimental," the two Magentas commented, one with a happy sigh that wasn't quite in character and the other with a sneer. The Franks looked around the now-empty room, distraught.

"And also presumptuous of you," Fuuma purred. As the Riff-raffs began to advance, slowly backing the Franks toward the stage, Sorata kept most of his attention on the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth. "You see, when I said *we* were to return to Transylvania, I referred only to Magenta and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading. But you see, you are to remain here." Fuuma smiled menacingly. "In spirit, anyway."

"Great Heavens!" exclaimed one of the Sakurazukamoris. "That's a laser!" [No, it's not! It's a Shinken!] Off to one side, Sorata noticed Kamui shoot a quick glance toward the Sumeragi; the pretty young man returned the look, and Sorata caught a glimpse of his scant, cautioning gesture. Drawing a little breath, Sorata could feel a surge of adrenaline kick in; something had happened there, something had changed, and he had a definite feeling that something was going to be going down at any moment...and not in the usual sense of this kind of production.

At least, he certainly hoped not.

"Yes, Dr. Scott," Fuuma replied with a chuckle, "a laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter. Because, after all, it just doesn't matter." There was a general blink from the cast as Fuuma broke out of character to deliver the audience participation line with perfect seriousness. Then the Kamui grinned once again and went on, overriding the other Sakurazukamori's next line. "And now, Frank-n-furter," he declared with supreme arrogance, "your time has come. Say goodbye to all of *this.*" He waved the Shinken in disparagement, and then lowered it to point at Kanoe's throat. "And hello...to oblivion."

There was a heartbeat's pause, a moment when Sorata saw the look of anxiety in Kanoe's eyes and thought to himself, <Oh geez, what's that psycho going to do now?> Then both Columbias shrieked into the silence, right on cue. Turning, Fuuma brought up the Shinken, and with a careless motion he sent a crackling wave of power rolling toward stage left. The bolt caught the bioroid in the chest and hurled it into the curtain, stray curls of energy seizing the fabric and shredding it into slender white ribbons. The rest of the curtain came loose from its track and tumbled over the Dragon of Earth's motionless form. For an instant, there was a perfect hush.

[Oh, shit!] the audience breathed reverently. [That thing *works!*]

Inwardly Sorata was echoing the sentiment. Kamui's Shinken was sealed beneath the center of CLAMP Campus, supposedly to keep the destructive power of both swords bound until the final day. But the monk could see quite clearly that, although the other Shinken lacked the greatest part of its power, even bound it could channel a certain amount of energy.

More than enough to injure...or, in fact, to kill.

Fuuma turned back toward Kanoe, and the tension in the Dreamgazer's face had bloomed into naked terror. The woman inched backward up the stairs to the stage, her high-heeled shoes scrabbling on the steps. In the stillness, that was the only sound, that and a crystalline gasp...Sorata looked toward the cluster of Seals and saw Hinoto staring at her sister, violet eyes huge and stricken and tiny hands rising to her face. Beside Sorata, Daisuke whispered, "Hinoto-hime...."

"There's nothing in the Rules about this," Seiichirou murmured with soft, terrible understanding. "There's no Rule that says you can't hurt the people on your *own* side."

And that was it, Sorata realized, seeing the whole thing now as clearly as a vision. The Kamui of the Dragons of Earth was going to kill his own Dreamgazer, and then her sister would cry out, or somebody else on the Seals' side would break form. From the corner of his eye he could see Nokoru already gathering himself, could see Kamui tensing, on the verge of stepping out of line...being the people they were, how could the Dragons of Heaven *not* respond to something like this? And if they did, they were going to lose.

They would lose on a technicality....

The judges couldn't possibly allow that.

Could they?

Everyone stood paralyzed as Fuuma arrived at the top of the stairs. He raised the Shinken and pointed it at Kanoe again...power blazed up in his hand, coursing along the weapon, and Hinoto telepathically screamed out <*No!*> just as a searingly brilliant force erupted from the blade. It sped toward the other Dreamgazer, and astonishingly it rebounded from right in front of her breasts. As Kanoe was spun about by the attack's near-miss, the energy reflected toward the rear wall of the stage and struck precisely at the backdrop's center. The earth glowed, blazing cracks shooting across its surface. Then it exploded into a million pieces, sending the model of Tokyo Tower rocketing into the air.

As the echoes of that explosion faded, everyone uncovered their heads. They gaped at where the backdrop had been. The Kamui of the Dragons of Earth lowered the point of his sword. He stared slack-jawed at the theater's back wall for a long instant, and then said, "Ohhhh.../shit!/"

There was a tremendous and resounding *poof.*


* * * * *


Fuuma blinked once, somewhat tentatively. Looking at his hand, he wondered why there was a very large sword in it. Then, as he let go of the sword, which fell onto the floor with a clash, he happened to notice the rest of himself.

He blinked once again.

"What am I wearing," he said, "and *why* am I wearing it?"

He reached up and felt at the top of his head.

"And what is this thing on my head?"

There was a general noise of stirring all around him. "Is everyone okay?" somebody asked. Then:

"Fuuma?" It seemed as though that voice was a person that he ought to know. He turned, orienting himself to the sound...there was somebody standing there who was the right height to go with his expectations, but....

That *costume.*

That *make up.*

It couldn't be....

"K- *Kamui?*"

"Fuuma! It *is* you! It is!" That apparition came bounding toward him. Fuuma flung up his hands in self-defense--which turned out to be a good thing, because the slight figure suddenly lost its balance and tumbled in a sprawl against his chest. Immediately it wrapped both arms about his neck, beaming up into his face. He stared down at what was unmistakeably Kamui, luminous in white make up and blue eyeshadow, and could feel the sweat breaking out all over him.

Something was terribly, horribly wrong about all of this.

"Everybody's fine," someone else was saying. Fuuma was groping after a way to say that *he* wasn't when a different, higher-pitched voice broke in, "Even Nataku! See, it was only stunned!" Fuuma's gaze was drawn to a corner of the stage that he inexplicably was on, where an orange-haired girl just as bizarrely dressed as Kamui had flipped back a large sheet of cloth. Yet another slender and androgynous figure sat up hesitantly, looking around and blinking. That figure's gaze drifted until it lit on Fuuma, whereupon it regarded him with a long, unsettling stare.

Then its face bloomed into a smile.


In a single bound, that figure had leaped across the stage and flung itself onto Fuuma as well.

He promptly fainted.


* * * * *


Yuuto had been inching toward the wings of the stage, knowing full well what was supposed to be happening next. Now, as he stared at the spectacle of the Kamui of the Dragons of Heaven trying to revive the ex-Kamui of the Dragons of Earth with water from the pool, a sly grin spread across his face.

<Cool!> he thought gleefully. <I actually get to live in this movie!>

Then Tokyo Tower fell on his head.


* * * * *


<*Kanoe!*> Hinoto leaned forward in her wheelchair urgently as Suoh pushed her over to her sister. In her excitement, she'd reverted back to telepathy. <*Kanoe!*> Kanoe was trying to pick herself up off the floor; Nokoru stepped forward and gallantly offered her a hand. <*Are you hurt?*>

"I don't think so," Kanoe said doubtfully, straightening her corset and trying to discreetly rub her bottom as well, which was suffering from her third hard fall of the night. She teetered and almost lost her balance once again. "I have *got* to get out of these shoes, though."

<Here.> Hinoto held out her hands, and with a little more assistance from Nokoru, Kanoe managed to get one foot up on the edge of her chair. The little Dreamgazer began undoing the buckles on Kanoe's spike-heeled shoe.

"Princess!" Daisuke had come bounding out of somewhere, his voice electric with concern and eagerness. "Are you all right?"

<Just fine, Daisuke-dono,> she answered tranquilly. Daisuke looked from her to her sister and back several times, obviously growing more agitated with each turn of his head but not quite daring to say anything else. He glanced instead at where Kusanagi had appeared from the Dragons of Earth's backstage area to be greeted enthusiastically by Yuzuriha, and his hands opened and closed into fists.

"All right!" That was the monk from Kouya-san, who'd come sauntering up to them as well. His fingers clasped cheerfully behind his head, he winked at Kanoe. "That was some kind of fireworks show! Lady, I guess tonight was your lucky night after all, surviving a blow from one of our Kamuis." Dropping his arms, he grew abruptly thoughtful. "How did you manage it, though, making his attack deflect like that?"

Even precariously poised with one foot raised on the wheelchair, Kanoe managed to plant both hands on her hips. She rolled her shoulders with predictable effect. "Electromagnets," she declared.

"E- electromagnets?" the wind master stammered, his face bright red, and the woman just shrugged.

"Of course. How else d'you think I keep my clothes from falling down?"

Hinoto resisted a smirk.

Sorata and Daisuke's faces had assumed a matching blankness, and Sorata was beginning to sweatdrop profusely. "Th- that's--"

"Don't even think about going there," Arashi warned. The Hidden Priestess looked at the monk sidelong as she removed her wig, letting her own hair spill across her shoulders. Then Karen came up to her, putting one arm around her waist, and began to whisper in Arashi's ear, pausing occasionally for the two women to glance in Sorata's direction. It didn't seem to help with his distress.

"So that's it?" Satsuki asked. "That's the end of the whole thing? Fight's over, and everybody just goes home?"

"No. Not quite yet, I'm afraid." Everyone turned to look at Nokoru, surprised by the portent weighting his tone. The Chairman of CLAMP Campus had taken his hair out of its upsweep; it fell in its accustomed waves about his face. His eyes were the dark, infinite blue of twilight sky. "Dragons of Heaven...Dragons of Earth," he said, "it still remains to have a fitting resolution to all of this." The two sides regarded each other uneasily. Nokoru raised his fan's slender wand beside his face--and then snapped it open. "/Let's all have ice cream!/"

Half of the cast immediately fell over.

"Hurray!" cheered Yuzuriha and Kusanagi in unison as Suoh groaned, slumping forward over Hinoto's chair.

"Kaichou always knows what to do!" Akira enthused, and Nokoru grinned.

"Ice cream is the answer to everything!" he pronounced with demonic intensity, and flames surged up in the background behind him.


* * * * *


Nataku watched uncertainly as that person leaned over its "daddy," touching the young man's face with water and looking distraught but at the same time strangely happy. Its eyes traveled over the delicate features, now caked with white make up which was the worse for wear for having been dunked in the pool. The bioroid scraped one finger along its own cheek, and then looked at the streak of white upon its skin. It studied the sparkling corset and slightly torn fishnets which sheathed the other's slim body, so much like what it itself was wearing...the young man sprawled in between them groaned faintly, raising one gloved hand, and Nataku noticed the other's face light up with expression.

"Fuuma," that person murmured. "It's really you...."

Silken black hair fell forward over violet eyes as that other bent closer, sliding one arm beneath the young man and helping him into a half-sitting position. Nataku extended one hand toward those tumbling strands, and that person batted its fingers aside, looking annoyed. "Don't do that." Nataku considered its findings as the young man's eyes slid open and he gazed at the other with hazy recognition.



"Excuse me," Nataku interrupted, and that person looked at him. "Are you my brother?"


* * * * *


"What's the matter, Sora-chan?" Yuzuriha asked from her perch atop Kusanagi's shoulder. She was wearing the burly man's JSDF jacket, and it covered her as well as a blanket. In the background, Inuki was gnawing on the man's discarded cravat, covering it with spirit slobber. "Don't you want to go for ice cream?"

"Of course!" he protested. "It's just that...well...I'd been hoping for a bigger part in all of this." He could see Arashi still in close discussion with Karen, and he sighed. He should've known it was going to be one of *those* kind of stories. "It's all over and I didn't get to do a thing to save the world...."

Not to mention that the woman he was supposed to be dying for appeared to have made other plans.

Yuzuriha seemed thoughtful, and then at once she perked up. "That's all right, Sora-chan!" she exclaimed. "After all, there's always the sequel!"

The young monk boggled at the girl.

"Sequel?" he asked, and the little inugami master grinned, her tail twining about Kusanagi's arm.

"Yup," she said, cat ears twitching with amusement. "It's called 'Shock Treatment'...."


* * * * *


"Had you going there for a while," Nokoru remarked slyly as he walked past Suoh, off to help the rest of the cast dig Yuuto out of the wreckage of Tokyo Tower.

"Did not," Suoh replied promptly. "The fan gave it away, as always. Ijyuin, come over here. I'll help you with that."

"Thanks, Takamura-sempai." Between the two of them, they managed to remove Akira's massive wig. "Whew!" Dropping the wig on the floor, Suoh began to peel off his gloves. He couldn't wait to get out of this ridiculous costume...although ironically he was now wearing more than he had for the entire rest of the play.

It was *what* he was wearing that was the problem.

He glanced at Akira, still in Magenta's quilted space dress, garters, and gloves, and shook his head. Well, it definitely could have been worse. "You must be really glad that this is over," he commented sympathetically. "Too bad you had to play the domestic."

"Oh, I don't mind!" Akira beamed happily. "Actually, it was fun! Say, maybe we can do this again sometime--"

Urgently Suoh whipped one arm about Akira's neck and yanked the other close against his side.

"Shh!" he hissed into the startled man's ear. "Do you want Kaichou to hear you? /Do you want him to get some more ideas?/"


At the sound of that improbably familiar cough, the two of them froze as they were. Incredulously Suoh turned his head to stare at the dark-haired woman who was standing before them, observing them intently in return. "U- Utako-san!" Akira yelped, and Suoh quailed, gradually recalling their position.

"Takamura-san," the woman said slowly, "*what* are you doing with my husband?"


* * * * *


"No, I'm not!" Kamui snapped at the bioroid, finally recovering his senses. "What the heck gave you that idea!" He tightened his arms about Fuuma and looked for an escape. Unfortunately, most of his friends seemed to be over on the far side of the stage, where they were watching that big guy for the Dragons of Earth use his energy attacks to blast apart the wreck of the fake Tokyo Tower. And he couldn't find Subaru anywhere....

Kamui sighed and looked down into Fuuma's anxious and bewildered face.

He wondered how they were going to explain this all.

"Then...are you my sister?" the bioroid asked.


"*Shirou-kun! Hey, Shirou-kun!*" Startled, he jerked around again. The voice belonged to Segawa Keiichi, who was bounding up the central aisle of the theater, his cheerful face alight from ear to ear with one of those smiles...where on earth had *he* come from? Inwardly Kamui groaned. Turning back once more, he came face to face with the bioroid.

"Mommy...?" it asked uncertainly.


* * * * *


"That did it!" Yuzuriha cried as the largest piece of the Tower fell away. Kusanagi cracked his knuckles and looked pleased with himself. As the dust settled, Satsuki hopped over a tangle of miniature girders and lifted a bit of plastic sheeting--and there lay Yuuto, looking more than a little bit dazed. Nokoru and Sorata lifted him by the shoulders and pulled him out from under the last of the debris.

Arashi asked, "Will he be all right?"

"It looks like he took a pretty good whack to the head," Nokoru replied. "But he doesn't seem too badly hurt, all things considered...."

"Amazing!" Sorata commented, adding to himself, "All that hairspray must've cushioned the blow."

"Yuuto-san!" Yuzuriha sang out, and the civil servant just groaned vaguely.

"He'll be all right." Satsuki pushed up her glasses and smiled at him. "It's nothing that a few neural implants can't fix...."


* * * * *


"Man! Is that one scary girl!" Sorata murmured as he watched Satsuki bundling up Yuuto. "I'm glad that she's not interested in me."

From behind him, a hand stole onto his shoulder and a slender arm linked itself in his.

"So am I."

He blinked down at Arashi.

On his other side, Karen draped herself about him, her fingers twining up into his hair. "So," the soap girl purred, "how about it?" After a moment for shocked contemplation, the monk clasped his hands together in glee.


"After all," Karen added, "there's more than one way to die for the woman you love...."


* * * * *


Seiichirou straightened his glasses and peered around himself. There stood Sorata, flanked by Karen and Arashi, the two women still in their costumes. The teenager's unruly brows were raised in an expression of stunned delight. Over there was Kamui with his friend in his arms and two fair-haired figures leaning over him from either side. The poor boy looked more than a bit overwhelmed by the night's events...well, he'd feel better after some ice cream. In fact, ice cream was starting to sound pretty good to Seiichirou too. He began to step forward to see if anyone needed help getting out of their costumes when a familiar voice called out, "Darling!"

Slowly he turned--and stared.

"Shi- Shimako-san?" he stuttered. "What are *you* doing here?"

Seiichirou's wife smiled as she came up to him and lovingly took his arm. "Why, darling, I received an invitation to watch the show. I didn't know if I could make it, of course, but at the last minute I was able to find a baby-sitter. You'll have to meet Miyuki-chan one of these days; she's such a cute girl, and Yuka-chan just adores her...." As his wife continued talking, Seiichirou struggled to process her unexpected arrival. He put this and that together, and then--

"You mean...you were in the audience *the entire time*?"

Seiichirou stood there with his mouth hanging open, and his wife smiled even more sweetly. She stepped closer, resting her head upon his shoulder. "Now, darling," she said, "why don't you introduce me to all these friends of yours?"

Seiichirou swallowed once, and then began.

"Well...over here is Kamui, and...."


* * * * *


"So I guess the whole thing's over," the younger judge said. Below them, the Dragons of Heaven and Earth were mingling with some of the audience members that the Sponsor had invited, and everything seemed quite peaceful. "But...nobody really won after all. What does it mean?"

His partner snorted. "It means that this is a stupid way to decide the world's fate and that our method makes a hell of a lot more sense. Even if it's not as much fun. Come on! Let's go home already."


The two judges spread their wings, and as the older judge leaped for the sky the younger one hastened to follow.

"Wait! Hey, wait for me!"


* * * * *


Poised on a building's cornice, high above the Tokyo city streets, Seishirou stared thoughtfully into the darkness. He took a lingering drag on his cigarette. At least it had been an entertaining evening, even if it hadn't been a very productive one.

Oh, well. It looked as though he'd have all the time in the world to make up for that.

A slight wind was blowing, stirring across the man's bare shoulders. He flicked his cigarette at the sidewalk far below--and then paused, suddenly alerted. Turning his head, he noted a slender figure standing there, balanced on the edge of the building, a feather boa draped across one arm. Seishirou pivoted, careful in high heels, and then faced that other person with a smile.


The Head of the Sumeragi pulled off that ridiculous wig. His gaze was dark and even. He released the wig, letting it tumble from his fingers toward the street.

"So," Seishirou commented, amused, "how long have you known?"

"Since the dinner scene earlier. Since I saw your right eye." The onmyouji stared, unsmiling, and the breeze lifted those short bangs above his level green regard. Seishirou grinned.

"You played along for all this time, then...I'm actually quite impressed by it. I wouldn't have expected that of you." There was no reply. Facing his opposite, so serious once again, Seishirou chuckled softly. "Well, Subaru-kun," he said, making a broad, sweeping gesture, "what did you think?"

"Nine years," Subaru answered determinedly, if with near-complete irrelevance. His voice was an even monotone. "For nine years I have been waiting for this moment. I have thought only about this one day...and about my one wish." He began walking forward, one slow step after another, each one a little click against the roof. Calmly Seishirou observed that unhurried approach. Subaru stopped just in front of him, those flat, unflickering eyes gazing up into his.

"I have been waiting for this moment," the Sumeragi finished quietly, "for a *very* long time."

And with that he closed the final distance in between them, sliding his arms about the rather surprised Sakurazukamori's neck for a fiercely passionate clinch of a kiss. Around them, the wind began to rise...it whipped the feather boa, tearing loose a swirl of feathers to surround them in a storm of pink and white, and Seishirou wondered briefly where that swell of music was coming from.

Then he found other things to be occupied with.


* * * * *


"And crawling," Kakyou mused from deep inside the Dreamscape, as his view of the two onmyoujis faded into nothingness, "on the planet's face,

"Some insects--" [What were they called?"] "--called the human race.

"Lost in time," he smiled, "and lost in space,

[What does this story lack?]

"And meaning."



Kakyou turned out the lights.

He left the globe on.




{cue music box tune}


Science fiction
Double feature.
The soap girl's necking
With two teenagers.



[Sorata: "Is this really legal?"]
[Arashi: <decks him>]

Is this the outcome
Of Hinoto's dream?
A twisted story
Of gay sex...and ice cream.




[Akira: "I like ice cream!"]
[Suoh: <sweatdrop>]

Whoa, oh, oh, oh.
At the late night,
double feature,
Picture show.
I want to go...oh, oh, oh.

To the late night...

Double feature...






{cue "Time Warp!" music}



[Daisuke: "And roll the credits!"]
[Kanoe: <drapes herself all over Daisuke>]
[Hinoto: <Kanoe, it's 'roll the credits,'
not the wind master....>]
[ Daisuke: "*Wah!!*"



The Cast



Kasumi Karen and Kanoe
as Dr. Frank-n-furter (a scientist)



Sumeragi Subaru and Kishuu Arashi
as Janet Weiss (a heroine)





Shirou Kamui and Sakurazuka Seishirou
as Brad Majors (a hero)


[Daisuke: "*Asshole!*"]
[Kamui: "What the-!"]
[Hinoto: <You have no idea how long he's
been waiting to do that....>]



Imonoyama Nokoru and Monou Fuuma
as Riff Raff (a handyman)



Ijyuin Akira and Yatouji Satsuki
as Magenta (a domestic)



Nekoi Yuzuriha and Nataku
as Columbia (a groupie)



Hinoto and Sakurazuka Seishirou (again)
as Dr. Everett V. Scott(a rival scientist)


[Nan: "It's the Suckonazucchinimoron!"]
[Kusanagi: "Who the heck was *that*?"]


Takamura Suoh and Kigai Yuuto
as Rocky Horror (a creation)



Arisugawa Sorata and Shiyuu Kusanagi
as Eddie (ex-delivery boy)



Aoki Seiichirou and Shiyuu Kusanagi (again)
as The Criminologist (Narrator) (an expert)





The Transylvanians

Saiki Daisuke
and various shikigami






[The younger judge: "I *still* say that's
[The older judge: "It's over. Let it go,


The Judges


An Angel
Another Angel



Sets and Lighting
Kuzuki Kakyou



(umbrellas and Asuka phonebooks
provided by Aoki Seiichirou)




Kasumi Karen and Nekoi Yuzuriha




[Kamui: "Karen's to blame! She made
the costumes!"]


Negative Cutter
Asagi Shougo



[Kakyou: "He cut himself right out of
the fanfic.]
[Kamui: "He was smarter than all of

Best Boy
Duo Maxwell


[Karen: "Gotta have one of those."]
[Arashi: "So *that's* what he was doing
[ Sorata: "Hey! I thought *I* was the
best boy!"]

Kristin Huntsman
(with Ijyuin Akira as
special guest chef)



[Nokoru: "Got any more of that caramel?"]
[Suoh: "K- Kaichou!"]


Assistant to the Judges
Adrian Wong



[Older judge: <blinks> "We had an assistant?"]
[Younger judge: "Sure. Who did you think brought
down the Pocky?"]


Amy Finkbeiner



[Kanoe: "Now *there's* a euphemism if I ever
heard one...."]


Audience Participation Direction
Nan and Lara van Janda



[The entire cast: "WHO!?"]



Inspired by "The Gatchaman Horror Picture Show"
by Ennien Ashbrook


With special thanks to the members of the Secret Observers Cabal
mailing list, the MPS, and, of course, to CLAMP themselves.


The characters portrayed in this fanfic are
and bear no resemblance to anyone living
or DEAD!





[Kamui: "I can fix that..."<eg>]
[Fuuma: "Ummm...." <sweatdrop>]


Made in the Dreamscape and
on location in Tokyo.
[Issei: "I *warned* them to stay away from
Tokyo Tower...."]
[Kamui: "Just where the heck are all these
people coming from?!"]
[Ryouga: "Trust me...you really *don't* want
to know."]

A Chimaera/Firecat Production


And finally, a word from our sponsor....





*The End*



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