December 28, 2011

Starting where we are

Posted in Thoughts and Reflections at 9:22 pm by

This morning, sitting in shrine with Bast, I saw an image of a small tree with gnarled, twisting branches, deep, velvety-brown bark, and clusters of large, lovely white flowers. And I heard, in that soft inner voice, Would you cut the tree down just because it doesn’t grow the way you want it to?

I have a chronic tendency to want to throw everything away and start over. For many years I wanted to leave my job and go back to college, “do it right” this time, broaden my horizons, take classes in a multitude of subjects, without limiting myself to a single major. More recently, it’s manifested as a nearly frantic impulse to purge almost all of my possessions, including the house, move away someplace, and reinvent myself.

Not very practical, is it? And also, it assumes an irreparable wrongness in the way things are at present. Maybe if my life were truly toxic, if I was in an abusive relationship, or sunk in addiction, failed dreams, or despair, razing everything to the ground might be productive. But it isn’t, and I’m not. Instead, I’m truly blessed in so many ways. And if there are places that aren’t perfect, if my life in general doesn’t fit some imagined idea of perfection — so what? Finally, with a little nudge from my Mother, I think I’m okay with that.

No, I wouldn’t cut the tree down. It’s beautiful just as it is. The lean of the trunk, the jutting branches tell a story of growth and change, of the interplay of yielding and strength; the luminous flowers float like clouds against the sky. There may be room for a little judicious pruning, with love and respect for the tree’s integrity. But always in service to what’s already there. To do otherwise is to deny myself and all that’s created me as the person I am today.

Every day is Zep Tepi, the First Time of Creation. And yet, every day we start where we are. We are new, we are renewed, and we are ongoing, all at once.

Dua Kheperu! May I become.

2 Comments »

  1. artemisiaapollo said,

    December 29, 2011 at 12:20 am

    Long time reader first time commentor
    I just wanted to say how much your blog makes me smile and how I always enjoy the insights you share from your day to day life.
    I always look forward to seeing your blog appear in my subscribers list :)

  2. Shefyt said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:33 am

    Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoy it. :)

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