January 1, 2013

Lost and found

Posted in Thoughts and Reflections at 9:58 pm by

So…I got lost for a while.

I don’t really want to dwell on all of what went into that lostness — I’d rather release it and move forward, lightened and free. I’m not sure that I’m entirely found yet, but I feel as if I’m on my way. It’s a good feeling. And I think this will be a good year.

I spent December on leave from the priesthood, and at one low point I thought about extending my leave for a full season, or even longer, but Bast was like, DISAPPOINT, so now I’m back at work, and I’m glad. It feels right, and I feel as though I’m coming back from this break stronger than before. Certainly more centered and peaceful. So I don’t regret taking the time off, even though a part of me wants to judge myself against others who seem stronger, more devoted, more true, who crunch on through despite their inner states. But as Bastemhet notes kindness is important, and especially kindness to ourselves. I am all too good at being unkind; I’m my Mother’s daughter, and my claws are sharp — never sharper than when turned against myself.

I haven’t quite settled on a word of the year (via Hecate Demeter), but I think it’s going to be service. What do I need to do in my own life, to have in my own life, so that I may serve? I need to be clear, and anger only clouds and closes my heart.

My motto for this year is “My whole life is my offering.” Do the Netjeru want offerings of anger, frustration, recrimination, and regret? Or do they want offerings of coolness —

of refreshment —

of joy.

O Bast, may I serve, and may I delight in my service.

Dua Bast — khepera!

5 Comments »

  1. Bastemhet said,

    January 2, 2013 at 3:28 am

    I’m sincerely glad my words were helpful to you. If you haven’t seen Devo’s post on learning when to say no, you should check it out here: http://thetwistedrope.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/know-thyself/#comments

    I know you already went back to work (nekhtet!), but it’s good to keep things in perspective. I hope her words are helpful to you as well. I wish you the strength and inner joy to carry on.

  2. Shefyt said,

    January 2, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    Thanks! I did catch Devo’s post, and it did make me pull up and ponder — “Did I make the right choice, to go back to work?” I’ve been up and down and in and out so much, and obviously flailing in some recent posts on this blog. But when I actually get my head clear and get down to business, it feels so right. So even if my service isn’t perfect, I feel that it’s worth something, to me as well as to Bast. At the very least I can tell myself, “I get up. I walk. I fall down, Meanwhile, I keep dancing.”

  3. Gold of the Valley, Lapis of the River » Songs and the Procession for Singing said,

    January 9, 2013 at 10:11 am

    […] “Chant for Offering Ma’at to Netjer,” relating to this post; – “Come, Heru-wer!” written for the Heb Wer festival last week; – “Hymn to […]

  4. Shukheperas'ankhi said,

    January 9, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Just wanted to stop in here and applaud your strength, and offer my prayers for your continued mental health. I know how this feels, and I admire that you are determined to get back to life and such after a month.

  5. Shefyt said,

    January 9, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    Thank you. I definitely appreciate the prayers! ^_^

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